Inside My Mind
by beautyinthedarkk
Summary: Thoughts between Eli and Clare during season 11. Dabbles of what they are probably thinking. Small Cake and Elmogen. POSTED: Love Game. 6 chapters!    PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Love Game, Back to School

**AN: JUST LITTLE DABBLES FROM THE MINDS OF ELI AND CLARE. **

DISCLAIMER: DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI...if I did then Eclare In Too Deep would never have happened.

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><p>Chapter 1: Love Game. Back to School.<p>

**Eli's P.O.V**

I felt something for the first time in a week. I spent all week just cleaning my room and speaking to my therapist. I didn't know what it was like to be around other people once again, but there she was. I felt like I should go over and talk to her, but I can't. She looks pretty let down, but I can't let myself be around her right now. It's too hard. I choose to feel nothing once again, because it's better like this. I like being able to walk around and not feel the hurt anymore. These pills help, but they only go so far. It's up to me to keep myself in check. To make sure I never have to feel any kind of feeling again. I need these pills to keep me from getting my heart broken ever again.


	2. Love Game, Dinner at Clare's

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI...if I did then Dolly J would be married.

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><p>Chapter 2: Love Game. Dinner at Clare's House.<p>

**Clare's P.O.V**

Why didn't he look broken or messed up? I spent all spring break trying to forget him, and the tears. It's been a one week! Not a year! Why was it so easy to move on from me? I don't want to sound coincident or anything, but why wasn't I worth remembering? He looked so calm and peaceful with himself. I wanted this kept replaying in my mind. I broke it off, because he was suffocating me. I should be happy right now. It's my last semester of sophomore year, and I should be having fun. I deserve that after everything that's happened in my life. Why am I worrying about it so much? But I can't help but wonder why it was so easy for him to just forget me? I know he's going to be at Above the Dot tonight. I can't leave my mother and our company though. This guy could help me though, and he is cute and going to be at Degrassi. I know what I have to do. A little jealously never hurt anyone.


	3. Love Game, Above the Dot Stalking

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DEGRASSI...if I did J.T wouldn't have died and Liberty would've kept the baby and Jiberty would be married.

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><p>Chapter 3: Love Game. Above the Dot (Watching.)<p>

**Clare's P.O.V**

I felt like such a stalker. This wasn't how it was suppose to play out at all. Just one moment, one sad smile, one movement to show me he really did love me. I brought Jake here in hopes of getting some kind of reaction. But here I am standing alone while Jake, Eli, and Adam talk about who knows what. This has to end. These past three months had to mean something to him. We went through a lot of stuff together in that time. We even had 3 months before that as friends. He couldn't have forgotten all of that could he? I was there for him and he was there for me. Why does he get to move on while I stand here glaring at him? All I wanted was some sort of reaction from him. Why did Julia get all the attention? Why was I never good enough? KC moved on fast, but Eli moved on faster. I see him leaving, and it takes everything I have not to run over to him. Then the next thing I know is I already started talking.


	4. Love Game, Clare's Outburst

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI...if I did then Sav and Anya would have stayed together.

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><p>Chapter 4: Love Game. Above the Dot. (Clare Yelling.)<p>

**Eli's P.O.V**

_"Did you flip a switch and erase me from your memory? It took you a year to get over your ex! Did you ever love me at all?"_

__Those words rang loud and clear in my mind as I left her to her own defenses. I wanted to yell right back at her. I wanted to tell her that I was on medication, and I can't feel anything I wanted to scream that she was the one who broke up with me. I wanted to tell her to stop comparing our relationship with Julia. Why do I always do the wrong thing? Why doesn't she understand that I can't be around her? I know what she was doing when she brought Jake. She wanted a reaction, and she would've gotten one if I wasn't on these pills. I like being like this. I don't like feeling all the emotions I spent all my time pushing down. I know I'm hurting her, but she hurt me first right? I want to forget everything that's happened last semester. I want to forget the dance, Fitz, Morty, and even Julia. I want to forget everything that has happened and just be normal for once in my life. But no matter what she thinks I could never forget her, because I still love her. I can't let her know that, and I can't feel anything. I like it this way. I don't want to know what happens when I'm off the pills. I want to continue living life in the unknown.


	5. Love Game, Cake Walk

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN DEGRASSI...if I did people wouldn't keep going to Kenya when they are no longer needed.

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><p>Chapter 5: Love Game. Cake Walk.<p>

**Clare's P.O.V**

Why was he being so stubborn? Why couldn't I get a reaction out of him? Nothing works and I hate feeling that I didn't matter to him. I have to stop asking myself these questions. I have to move on and not care. Jake is right. If I can't get closure from him then I don't need him. I could move on to. I understand what Jake is saying. I ended it and he seems fine with it, so I should be to. But why am I so nervous when Jake tries to kiss me? This would hurt Eli knowing I moved on right into another guys arms. He doesn't have feelings anymore though, so it shouldn't matter. Jake is cute and he likes me I think. There is a spark between us that I haven't felt ever. Maybe this is supposed to happen. His lips are firm and smooth, but it's a little sloppy. I felt that spark, and I know he felt it to. Eli doesn't cross my mind when Jake holds out his hand for me. I don't know what to say to him, but I can't get those sparks out of my head. If Eli wants to have nothing to do with me then I don't need to worry about him. Its time for me to have some fun.


	6. Love Game, Locker Stalkers

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN DEGRASSI...if I did then Craig and Manny would have never happened.

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><p>Chapter 6: Love Game. Locker Stalker.<p>

**Eli's P.O.V**

Sometimes my best friend really does get on my nerves. He's been keeping my secret about being on meds, but he thinks it's time for me to tell Clare. I don't want to tell her, because if I do then I can't hide no more. She'll finally understand why I've been okay. She'll think I'm still in love with her, and feel bad about it. She already has a new guy, so I can't tell her. But then she comes over and I finally tell her. It's almost a relive and I don't really feel anything around her. I see her face though, and she's letting the news sink in as I tell her. Maybe soon we will be able to be friends at a point, but I don't really care. I don't really think about what would happen with us. Everything got messed up, and I don't want to go back. I want to stay where I'm at and live my life. Being like this will make all our lives better. I don't care enough to try to stand up and be different. I just am, and I accept that. I can go on living like this and get better. I can finally put an end to all the craziness of my life.


End file.
